So, a season ago I posted that changes were coming to the site and to my writing style and subjects. Since then, I think I’ve written one article and it was only because so many of my child-hating friends kept posting something awful and I just had to vent about it. You can go look if you’re curious, but really, it’s just a rant. LOL
I am deeply sorry for my absence, for many reasons. I have no excuses for it, I’ve just been busy and tired and broke and sick and stressed and anxious and… yeah, excuses. You get the idea.
The bottom line; It’s difficult to reinvent yourself when you’re broke, sick and busy. When you are so absorbed in the problems of the day to day, trying to make sure bills can get paid and worried that they won’t and money that is supposed to be there isn’t and people cancel and holidays happen, and you get so trapped up in the challenges that you face in that MOMENT.. it makes it nearly impossible to see far enough ahead to allow even a spark of creativity to shine though the mire and muck of every day life.
So, clearly, not much happened as far as changes. Sure, I changed the background theme a few times and invented categories, which, I DO think are pretty cool… but no real, major changes.
Sorry about that.
I received an email today that stated “your WordPress web address will expire in eight days, will you renew?”
Well, will I? I thought about it… I thought, “does anyone even read this anymore?” … went to check the stats… a few people actually DO read this. I was amazed. It’s not many, but a few. And a few is better than none. But, is it worth it? I’ve been trying to invent “The Cautious Mom” for four years and I still can’t even get my own mother or best friends to read it. Is there really any point? It’s not like I can make money doing this when hardly anyone reads it… am I wasting my time?
So, I pondered. I wondered. I meditated. I prayed. Here’s what I came up with:
I decided if I’m going to post from now on on this page, it’s going to be the real me, the honest me, the me that isn’t just giving advice or sharing some wonderful thing I’ve learned. I’m not in that space right now and I can’t really give my all to that pursuit. I mean, if I find something that needs to be discussed or shared, I’ll post it, but I don’t have time to research specifically for the point of blogging or sharing and I’m making a concerted effort to practice non-violent and compassionate communication, so I won’t be doing any rants anytime soon.
That just leaves me and my life, it’s chaos and triumphs. My struggles and joys with homeschool, challenges and anxiety, the fun and fear raising a son with autism and ADHD and his warrior princess sister who wants to learn math for fun before bed and asked Santa for a punching bag. I’ll write about what it’s like being a geek writer and a private vocal coach. I’ll write about essential oils and maybe share some recipes every now and then. I’ll write about what it’s like to be broke and scared that someone might find out that I’m not not fixing my house because I’m lazy and don’t care, but because I’m super broke and can’t afford it.
I once had a dream for this page… a page where mothers would come to join me in parenting for the joy of parenting. A place where mothers who did not find joy in shaming their children could see they were not alone. A place where loving being a mom was okay and accepted with a community that lifts one another up – where breastfeeding was celebrated, encouraged and supported through education, advocacy and a mountain of research. I dreamed that it could even become a brand, a source of news, information, tools for success and even more eventually… it was a good dream.
I’m not saying it can’t still be all those things, and I think at times, it has been sorta close… but right now, today, I’m moving forward in a more personal direction. All I have is right now. Every single thing I’m doing right now is a one step at a time process and my creativity comes in bursts, not in waves.
So, yes, I’ll keep going. I’ll pay the renewal and keep going because I do love what this page has become, has been in the past and I am sure that it can continue to be something awesome, even if it changes from time to time. Happy new year, friends. We’ll see what happens next when we get there!