Okay, I know anytime I do this someone gets on my case about it, but I’m just… man, I have to rant for a second. I realize it’s not “graceful” and I know it might even be hurtful. I’m not cleaning up the language that fell out of my brain as I wrote it and all I can say is, sorry, but this time, I’m not sorry. This is my blog and I’m angry so I’m getting this out of my head now, once and for all.
Once again I read something I really shouldn’t have and this time I had to stop mid-way and just ask the question- Why are the huffpost moms such horrible people?? Seriously. I can’t stand them. Every mom post I’ve read on that page infuriated me and brings out the psycho troll who just wants to jump in and rip whatever they’ve written to pieces because they’re terrible human beings who don’t deserve to have children.
I don’t know why I bother even opening these articles. Most times, it’s because it looks like a good article and I don’t pay attention to the link until it’s too late. At that point, I SHOULD stop… but I never do. It’s like watching a train wreck that killed 25 people caused by someone just being an idiot on the tracks and I want to scream at them and hug them simultaneously because they just killed people and their life must be horrible to be that stupid. It’s confusing and enraging and makes me want to throw things and write for DAYS about how whatever they said sucks because they’re selfish, terrible people making light of their poor parenting. I’m pretty sure 1/2 my blog posts on the mom page that are “rants” are directly caused by reading these blogs.
In reality, I’m nearly positive at least half of the articles I read are satire… the other half are moms doing their best to make light of challenging issues because humor makes every terrible situation better… but when you’re just being a jerk, telling the WORLD you don’t care about them because you’re tired, bored, don’t think they deserve whatever *it* is, don’t think their happiness is necessary if it interferes with YOUR needs (because you’re selfish and probably weren’t ready to have kids)… and then you are leaving that written down for your kid to someday read and wonder why you bothered birthing them… There is NO reality where that is acceptable.
No, not even as satire.
I would never, ever do any single thing that would cause my kids to one day wonder if I was miserable because they existed or if I was tired because they had needs. I would never do something to make them question my love for them. I’m their mom and that stuff- the hard stuff right along with the beautiful stuff- is my job.
These writers… these are the people who have made it “cool” to hate kids and to talk crap about parenting. These are the people who judge you when you act like a good parent. These are the moms who make you question if it’s “okay” to breastfeed past 6 months and if you’re going to get laughed at if you quit your job to stay home with the baby. These are the parents who ruin parenting for all of us because they’re so broken, and so vocal about how broken they are, they make us think their opinions are the “norm” when nothing they say should EVER be a “norm” for anyone… it should be only a sad reality for a few, select parents who need help coping and could use support.
It’s no wonder so many people hate children and think parenting is stupid- if THIS is where they’re getting their info- it’s no freaking wonder because every single mom on this page makes kids look like the most horrible, stupid mistake of their entire lives. They make kids look like soul-sucking nightmares they have to drink to forget about. They make them seem like nasty, entitled brats who only want to destroy their parent’s happiness.
Yes, kids are hard. YES, they take a physical and mental toll on a parent. Yes, they’re expensive, demanding, unyielding and needy. Yes, they cut into activities like work, reading, binge watching shows like Game of Thrones & The Walking Dead, playing Arkham City and whatever online game you’re working on, musical theatre, choirs, attending symphonies, painting, vacations, expensive salon trips and midnight movie openings… and yes, it’s a bummer. Is it THEIR FAULT?
NO. It’s our fault for assuming we can just go on like nothing happened when we had kids and pretend our lives are the same as they were before. When you do that, it just sets you up for failure and your child up for disappointment.
No one deserves to feel the way these kids would feel if they knew the truth about how their parents truly feel.
Bottom line-
STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE PARENT ON THE INTERNET. Don’t you know your kids will grow up and read that crap one day? Pay attention to the things you say- in person and online. Unless you plan on deleting every trace of yourself by the time they figure out how to use Google, chances are, they’ll find it. Not only that, but other parents will read it too, and think it’s okay to hate their kids and do the bare minimum and that it makes them some kind of “independent, funny and strong woman” by keeping their child at arm’s length and sarcastically talking crap about them to other parents.
It’s not okay. Not ever. We preach being kind to our kids. We preach anti-bullying. We preach compassion, sharing, commitment to tasks, dedication and honor in their work and intentions… and then we act like this?
No. It’s not okay. Not ever. Not even to “lighten the mood” because even funny negativity is still negative and that breeds nothing but more of itself.
If you need support- fine. Ask for it- I’ll be there. If you need a break- GREAT! Ask for it- I’ll do whatever I can to help. You don’t need to be a jerk to get support and you don’t have to make every situation sound like a cleverly written nightmare in order to get people to understand that being a mom is hard.
Just be a mom your kid can be proud of. Try. Try every day. It doesn’t make you a bad mom if you try and then fail. It makes you a bad mom if you don’t try and then justify that lack of trying by being a jerk on the internet.
*whew*
Okay. Rant over.
The Cautious Mom 
Thank you for writing this. You have made me aware of a terrible mistake that I am heading towards as I get more and more exhausted as a mother. I will never speak negatively about my children or the difficulties of being a mother again. Just as I vowed when I got married to never whinge about my husband to others, as many do. It is so hurtful and disloyal.
I apologize it’s taken me so long to write back, Jo! Thank you for your comments. It has become all too easy for us as parents to jump on the “parenting sucks” bandwagon and fill ourselves up with snark, attitude, child-bashing, etc., because our culture does not respect parenthood.
This is the culture that thinks you need a mommy’s night out with a lot of alcohol in order to feel like a normal person again. Yes- wine is awesome. Yes- nights out are fantastic. But I don’t *need* those things to feel happy and the culture of child-haters wants you to believe that children are an inconvenience, not a legacy with profound responsibility.
A friend reminded me of this article today when she told me she saw a bumper sticker on a mini-van that read; “I used to be cool”… As though it’s a given that parenting is not cool? That you can’t be a fun, unique, clever, interesting and exciting person just because you have children? The more I thought about it, the more offended I got and the more I thought – if I were that person’s child I would be offended by it because it makes it seem as though if it weren’t for my children, I would be awesome, but I have some, so I’m only a mom, or only a dad”. If I were that person’s child, I’d think, “wow, well sorry to rain on your parade by existing”.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I think my children made me way cooler than I’d been before I had them and my life is definitely far richer, more beautiful, more magical and more profound than it could EVER have been without them.
To me, parenthood is WAY “cooler”.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment, I wish you luck in your parenting journey and want to let you know; no matter how tired you are, no matter how terrible it seems sometimes, you are awesome, you are doing your best, you are a good example… and you are SO cool. ❤