There seems to be an outcry amongst moms to other moms, to stop trying to be so darn perfect at everything and show off how awesome they are on Facebook. It extends beyond this to women belitting one another, hoisting a red flag on anyone’s page where “too much” of anything good is being posted, consistently. To solve this issue, we should all just stop posting successes of ANY kind, child related or not. In fact, just don’t post unless you are having a bad day. That’ll make everyone feel better.
Perfect moms with their perfect children, pictures of clean houses, perfect dinner tables with perfect food on them and perfect families that all eat their plates clean, together and happy… ugh, it’s disgusting, right?? How DARE they flaunt their happiness!
I saw a meme the other day that read, “Friends don’t let friends over-share”. The picture had a photo of a baby sitting on the potty. I immediately filled up with anger over this, because I know it all too well. Maybe not that exact issue, but in general, the topic of over-sharing is one I know well. My response; Friends don’t bash friends who post things that make them happy. Screw you and your nasty attitude, you snarky, bitter bitch! I will OVER SHARE unapologetically and until the cows come home if I damn well feel like it and if you have an issue with that, you don’t have to look at it- delete me and be a jerk someplace else! *AHEM* …Whew… okay, I’m glad that’s out of my system now. Back to happy, peaceful mama… *ooooooommmmmmmmm….* …aaaaand breathe….. Okay. Better.
But seriously, the truth behind memes like this make me crazy furious. The idea is that perfect moms and perfect babies, success and happy photos make people feel horrible about themselves. Why would we even have these perfect people as friends with their seemingly unending available funds for massages and pumpkin lattes, diet programs and their seemingly unending available time to take walks and go to the gym, while we are sitting miserable, penny-pinching just to buy eggs, surrounded by toys and tripping over piles of laundry? Don’t they understand how hard life is for the rest of us? Can’t they just stop rubbing it in, already??
Well, ladies… get over it. Seriously. You’re being stupid.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, you need to understand something: There is no perfect mother, no perfect child, no perfect family or situation. Facebook is awesome, but social media in general has created this false sense of understanding when we all know we only post what we WANT people to know about us! People post the moments they are proud of. It doesn’t mean their lives are like that all the time. Everyone has struggles and bad days, messy houses and dirty floors at one time or another. They struggle with sickness, fear, anxiety and doubt, just like you. This SHOULD be common knowledge and when something awesome happens to someone and they decide to post about that awesome thing, they should be given congratulations and a thousand “hoorah”s, not the silent treatment of not even a “like” because it’s “just that show off making me feel bad about myself again”.
What you see on social media is just the tip of a monstrous iceberg and everyone has their own demons, their own struggles and clearly, it’s not your business or they would be posting that stuff too. Just be happy for them. Is it really so hard? Are you really that selfish and mean to always assume the worst of people? Have you ever considered… what if you are wrong and that person really isn’t just showing off because they think they’re god’s gift to life itself and everyone aught to know it?
Maybe that mom gets a massage every week because she has an incurable disease and massage therapy is the only way that she can continue to breast-feed her child because without it, she would need major narcotic pain killers. She only posts about how relaxing her day was because it was literally the one moment she wasn’t in pain in over a week.
Maybe she’s getting over having just silently suffered a stillbirth or a miscarriage or discovered that she, herself has cancer, or her husband just lost their job and they may have to move away into a small apartment and she’s affording herself the luxury of a quiet walk with a fancy coffee and her little boy, taking pictures of the beautiful day, her awesome cup of fancy coffee and smiling photos of both she and her baby boy, to take her mind off how difficult her son’s life is about to become.
Maybe she is posting a photo of the meal she cooked because she’s always had a fear of cooking because she was afraid she’d never be good at it and when something came out perfect, she was so ecstatic, she wanted to share it proudly.
Maybe she’s posting that she went to the club and stayed up until 3am at Denny’s with her friends because she’s been suffering from cancer and for the first time in a YEAR, she actually felt up to going out.
Maybe she’s posting about losing another 4 pounds because she was told by her doctor unless she loses 50 before the end of the year, she will end up with Diabetes and she could die of heart disease.
The above scenarios are all REAL issues that have happened to people I know. People who do their best to share joy, to stay happy in the darkest of times and they are all people who get silently bashed by people who think they’re being show off’s. If you only knew, baby… walk a mile in their lives and tell me if you still feel that way.
The bottom line here, is that if you don’t know the motivation behind the posts and you can’t just be happy for the beauty of the moments they are trying to share with you, you are not really their friends and you don’t actually know them, so stop trying to pretend you do by assuming they are just rubbing in how much better their lives are than yours. Your judgment does nothing but show your own blinding self-doubt and how the disease of it is bleeding itself onto other people and making them suffer because of your own hang-ups.
Here’s the reality- Molly Mama Smith is NOT posting that she just pumped 12oz of breast milk in one sitting because she wants you to know how much better she is than you. Suzie Sunshine, posting that she just ran a 5k and is having roast chicken breast for dinner didn’t actually consider YOUR weight problems and inability to motivate your butt off the couch before posting about it and Miss Career 2013 didn’t actually have you in mind to feel like crap for your financial issues when she just posted that she just got a raise and was able to buy her new car in cash after working 10 years to be able to do it.
The real problem is not the moms who love being moms and love to post about it. The problem isn’t a parent’s proud post that their kids are actually being well behaved or do something super cute, or their weight loss success, or their dinner, or their new purchase. The problem is you. You don’t have to keep looking at it! In fact, you could stop being so bitter, checking Facebook and sitting on your butt at home and instead, go live your life with your own family, fix whatever is wrong and stop secretly hating on people and filling yourself up with stupid, unwarranted jealousy.
The magic of social media is that you can leave any time. You don’t have to be friends with anyone you don’t want to and no one is forcing you to look at anyone’s pictures. If it bugs you enough to warrant a snide post about how much you “hate it when people post SOOOOO many pictures of their kids” or sarcastically bashing them with passive aggressive memes and jokes, you may as well just delete them. And while you’re at it, delete me too. I don’t need that crap in my life. Don’t be a jerk by being outwardly vocal and just plain mean about what you see on their pages, just be a grown up, politely excuse yourself from their friends list and go about your sad, bitter life all by yourself.
That’s all I have to say to you.
So now, to the rest of you ladies who are being nice and polite and so thoughtful… STOP IT. You’re no better than they are with your “well, I DON’T post pictures of my kids because I’m THOUGHTFUL and I don’t want to offend people.” Ugh… Really? Why don’t you just post, “I’m dying for your approval, please, secret club bitches- please love and accept me! I want to be part of your nasty click of Heathers! Can I please wear the red bow if I pretend I’m not a good mom or a decent human when I am on Facebook? If I post nothing but sarcasm, judgement of others and rage, will you accept me?? Pleeeease??”
Seriously. It’s kind of disgusting how desperate it makes you look for the approval of a group of people who clearly couldn’t care less about you. I am tired of seeing, “I apologize in advance for all the baby photos you’re about to be subjected to” just because we feel like we have to apologize to those disingenuous, bitter, “frenemies” who have nothing better to do than troll our pages and get all bent out of shape for whatever selfish, unknown reason plagues their own hearts. It’s even worse when you post NOTHING of your life and you keep every proud moment to yourself simply because you can’t bear to consider what the assholes on your page will reply with or what they might think of you. What a sad lesson you are silently teaching your kids about bullying and social media. If you can’t even post the simple joys of your life on a page that supposedly has your friends on it because you are worried that your joys might offend them, then why bother even having a social media page?
It’s YOUR page. You share your experiences with your friends and loved ones, because it is a part of life you are proud of.
Post unapologetically and stand firm if someone tries to be a jerk about SOOO many baby/kid posts or makes some snarky remark about “wow, don’t you do anything else but nurse that baby/cook perfect food/go to the gym?” or, “I wish I had time to just sit there and watch a movie or paint a picture, or bake cookies, but IIII have a real life!” Those people suck and they are made of fail. Don’t change your posts, your life or your mindset to satisfy their egos.
If someone doesn’t like what you post, if they can’t be joyful and happy for you, if they can’t cheer you on when you are strong and do their best to lift you up when you are down… if you reconsider posting something awesome that happened because you expect eye-rolling and exasperated sighs from half your friends list… guess what….
THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
Delete them. Move on… Your world will be a better place for it.
I could probably keep ranting about this, but I need to go upload more photos of my kids.